Hello Mr. Perfect: Siwon

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Choi Siwon (최시원)

Birth Date: April 7, 1986 (actual), February 10, 1987 (registered)

*Siwon was actually born on April 7, 1986, but his mother didn’t register his birth until the February date. The February date appears on most official SJ profiles. Siwon acknowledges both dates, but Super Junior celebrates his real birthday.*

Job description: Super Junior’s live in priest. Works as an actor in his free time. Member of Super Junior M. Now serves as a conscripted policeman as of November 19, 2015.

First Impressions: You Are So Gorgeous; Gentleman; Why Are You So Perfect ?; Ideal Husband; Rich; I Know Somebody Who Knows Somebody Who Knows Somebody…; Humble; Christian; They See Him Rollin’, They Hatin’; Speaks Good English; Suave; Conservative; Abs; “Don’t you sense a mystery? Yeah, like why [didn’t Siwon go to seminary]?”; His eyebrows should be listed as a separate species; “Seriously keep a copy of his DNA before 2012” (tumblr comment)

Aliases: Shisus, God’s #1 Fan, Horse; Living Sculpture

The Good: Siwon is often referred to as every woman’s dream husband: he’s handsome, tall, rich, gentlemanly, physically attractive, and loves kids. For women of God, he’s also a Christian and is very vocal and adamant about his faith. Siwon’s many talents include singing, acting, taekwondo (태권도) (he was the youngest person in Korea to earn a black belt at age 14 (13 in international age) ), drumming, Chinese, and English (second only to native speaker Henry). We don’t know what his cooking skills are (or if he has any), but as long as he can make a salad, pasta, or a delicious sandwich, Siwonests (Siwon’s fans), ELF, and other K-pop observers will add “cooking” to the list.

The key to Siwon’s holiness among K-pop fans is his belief in Jesus (which is where Siwon’s nickname “Shisus” comes from). Siwon is Christ’s spokesman in the K-pop world – he tweets Bible verses, uses worship songs as his solos for Super Junior concerts, donates to charity, and works with a Christian music ministry. Despite his busy schedule, Siwon appears to be a regular churchgoer – he’s even gone to local churches while abroad. Almost all of Super Junior is reported to be Christian, and some sing in church (Kyuhyun most notably), but Siwon has a clear monopoly on the evangelism department.

Although one might expect wealthy, gentlemanly Siwon to be prim, proper, and dignified at all times (like Daniel Craig’s James Bond), he actually is quite hilarious. Long known to possess a PhD in Hand Language and Communication, Siwon’s gestures have been the subject of parodies since his debut (from 1:15 to 4:50 in the video below).

Don’t expect him to rely solely on verbal communication anytime soon – after studying something in isolation for 6-8 years, it becomes a part of you.

Going hand in hand with his PhD, Siwon also has a Masters in Facial Expressionism and a certificate in Eyebrow Manipulation. He truly is a man of a million faces.

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ZOINKS!

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Pardon?

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No, YOU go first.

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Crap- I left the oven on!

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“The [brows] know, tough guy.” – X-Men the Animated Series (1992)

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“Let’s groove tonight…” – Earth, Wind, and Fire (Let’s Groove)

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“I don’t believe we’ve met.”-Beast from X-Men the Animated Series (1992)

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Unfortunately, it’s true [insert unbearable circumstance here].

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“Kyuhyun tweeted?!”

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“No one can resist the power of [Shisus].” -Vertigo from X-Men the Animated Series (1992)

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Psyched beyond all comprehension!

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[blissfully unaware]…. WHAT?!

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Trying to keep warm

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Chuu!

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Wow, nice form and execution.

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“You dare to claim dominion over ME?!” – Apocalypse from X-Men the Animated Series (1992)

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Smooches!

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I don’t even know where to begin- so many sins…

Of course no profile on Siwon would be complete without mentioning his abs, which he is most known for.

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His abs attract all kinds – newcomers, ELFs, fanboys, fangirls, Siwonests, pervert ELFs, “I don’t like Siwon” people, “I don’t like Super Junior” people, Christians, atheists, Muslims, “I already have a boyfriend, but…” girls, “Donghae/Kyuhyun/another Super Junior member is my bias” ELFs, “I’m a SONE/Cassie/VIP/[insert other K-pop fandom]” fans, fanfiction writers, Asians, Caucasians, Blacks, Latinos, Korean netizens, the Super Junior members themselves … it seems that no one is immune to Siwon’s abs.  Thankfully, the “typical reaction” list is much, much shorter: people either feel a) admiration, b) jealousy, c) motivated or d) things that belong on the following tumblrs: dirtysujuconfessions or pervingonkpop, and other such sites, but instead end up on general K-pop news sites such as Allkpop.  In summary:

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Siwon’s abs make regular appearances in photoshoots, magazines, Super Junior concerts, and the Korean (and one Taiwanese) dramas that he acts in.  His abs are so ubiquitous that fans have created a name for them: Shiabs.  Siwon is one of the Founding Fathers of one of Korea’s most celebrated body terms: chocolate abs.  The term supposedly means that a man’s abs are so defined that they look like a chocolate bar.   Other recipients of this highly coveted term include Bi Rain (perhaps the Godfather of Chocolate Abs), Korean-American Jay Park, 2PM’s Taecyeon, B2ST’s Lee Kikwang, and (relatively) new kid on the block Lee Joon of MBLAQ.  The reason for the Super Junior Ab Explosion around the release of Bonamana can be solely attributed to Siwon and his abs, which isn’t so far-fetched considering the members have expressed jealously over Siwon’s looks and financial assets.  Donghae even said that he chose him to be his exercise partner .  Will his next credential be a teaching certificate in physical education?

Initially Siwon had no intention of becoming an entertainer- his goal was to make his name known all over the world through acts of charity.  Although he may or may not have wanted to be in the entertainment industry, he may have been put there for just a time as this, when Christianity is losing ground against the mighty forces of economic prosperity, sensual pleasures, and skepticism.   Possessing wealth, good looks, education, a good family background, and fame, Siwon technically has it all (except a wife and kids) and thus to some, doesn’t need to place his trust and allegiance with a higher power.   Siwon’s strong faith and acts of Christian service in a secular medium highlight the oft repeated fact that God uses anyone and everyone for his purposes if you let him.

The Bad:   Ah [insert hand massaging a sweaty, wrinkled forehead] Mr. Choi.  The court is now in the process of hiring more assistants to aid its beleaguered, overworked, and stressed out officials (said assistants won’t be paid a King’s ransom due to the lagging economy, but the experience might help them obtain higher paying positions).  The reason why Mr. Choi, despite having perhaps the cleanest record out of all the Super Junior members, is a thorn in the side of the officers assigned to work on his case is that the complaints (and praise) “have been coming from all directions.”  The thickest case files the court has on him revolve around two highly charged issues: homosexuality and fanservice.

Siwon has a reputation for being a homophobe; the claim is based on an interview he did in 2007 with the Yale Globalist.  All is well and good until we reach this passage:

When asked how he feels about male actors portraying sexually ambiguous roles, Choi, who acknowledged himself as a conservative and devout Christian answered, “I will respectfully refuse any such offers. While I respect all genders, I do not wish to acknowledge homosexuals as I have been taught that God created Man and Woman with specific characteristics and duties. I realize that with globalization, there are many [entertainers] who do not share my views. There are those who are value-oriented and those who are success-oriented. However shouldn’t an actor deliver an image to his audience through roles he chooses to portray, based on his beliefs in life?”

A good portion of international netizens (because gays and gay rights are generally not thought highly of in Korea) haven’t forgiven him since.  The court has read, re-read, and explicated the above paragraph in addition to “[talking] to the experts” and “[sitting] down with [them] for a couple hours…[talking] about the issues…[talking] about the challenges [raised by the passage]” only to come to the conclusion that all that can gleaned from this passage is that Mr. Choi would most likely be against same-sex marriage.  Homophobia is the “irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality and homosexuals,” and Mr. Choi has no history of violence or antipathy toward homosexuals, and given the high visibility of idols, if he did commit such a crime, the court would have heard about it by now.  We admit that this argument doesn’t cover his private life that isn’t exposed through Twitter or his private thoughts, but we still believe that we would have heard something by now from somebody somewhere.   Furthermore, he took a picture with Hong Suk Chun, arguably Korea’s only out-and-about gay celebrity.  If Mr. Choi was as homophobic as his critics say, he wouldn’t want to touch Mr. Hong Suk Chun with a nine-and-a-half-foot pole,  let alone put a hand on his shoulder. The final piece to our argument is that this interview was conducted over five years ago, so Mr. Choi could have changed his mind during this time, as have almost all human beings. The court will be happy to review any concrete, real evidence of Mr. Choi engaging in homophobic activities or actions.  But until then, the homophobic argument is “a bunch of stuff.”  (The court also agrees with everything in this post.)

Some fans have complained that Mr.Choi is a poor representative for Christianity because he frequently appears in some state of undress and sometimes participates in homoerotic acts onstage.  On the former, our Biblical experts say that each individual is tempted by something that causes them to sin, so maybe flesh is that something for these fans.  However, Mr. Choi taking off his shirt alone does not make him a hypocrite. The best answer we can give is that these acts are those of fan service.  Along with that, the K-pop industry is primarily focused on looks and a star’s image.  The attention Mr. Choi receives is largely due to his body/physical appearance, so it is understandable that he would be in some state of undress in select photoshoots and during certain portions of Super Junior concerts.  In addressing this issue, we have to tread cautiously in our approach.  It would be all too easy to make a claim one way or the other about  Mr. Choi’s sexual orientation or ridicule him as a forever-in-the-closet Christian.  Instead, the court thinks the larger issue here is whether Mr. Choi feels that he must to undress himself in order to be noticed.  He can sing, but he’s no Yesung.  Most would consider his aura as too masculine to rival SJ icons of cuteness Ryeowook and Sungmin.  He can dance within the confines of SJ’s choreography, but he’s no Eunhyuk.  He may be the president of the Korean Entertainers Christian Association, but that post fails to draw as much fanfare as Leeteuk’s post as the President of Young Girls and Young Idol Variety Performers.  Compared to the other members, Siwon has been deemed the “face” of the group and is universally declared as the most handsome, both of which are superficial accolades.

It could also be said that he feels justified in showing off his body as he’s worked hard for it.  Or he could be like Beyonce – what he does onstage does not reflect who he is in real life (except for the CCM).  Truth is, we just don’t know.

But remember…

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P.S. Brian wants his clothes back.

******

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Someone obviously didn’t heed the warning.

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“Don’t go away…I’ll be right back.”- Gambit, X-Men Animated Series (1992)

Credits:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0GvhuZj7Og (One of Siwon’s first interviews), The New Scooby Doo Movies-The Ghost of Bigfoot, OBAMA SINGS KICK ASS SONG?! (schmoyoho on Youtube), Debate Highlights Songified! (schmoyoho on Youtube), VP Debate Songified (schmoyoho on Youtube)

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5 thoughts on “Hello Mr. Perfect: Siwon

  1. Pingback: The Super Junior Guide | SEOUL'd OUT

  2. My name is %name&% and first of all I want to say superb post.
    I have got a brief question which I’d like to ask if you do not mind.
    I was interested to know how you center yourself and
    empty your mind before writing. I have had problems with clearing my mind in order to get my ideas out.
    I love writing once I get into it, but most of the time I feel as if I end up wasting the first 10 to
    fifteen minutes pushing myself to focus. Do you have any
    suggestions or techniques?

    • I would suggest that you transmit your thoughts from your head to the paper (or word document)- just write what you feel and then revise and correct the grammar, spelling mistakes, flow, etc, later. Once you set word to paper, it’s easier for you to mull over it for a few days (or hours) if you actually put something there instead of keeping it in your head. Hope this helps and keep trying!

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