DBSK, TVXQ, and JYJ Fans: Let’s Make Cassiopeia Great Again! Part 2

And the law making continues! Let’s get back to the basics-

2. Thou Shalt Not Derogate, Demean, or Disparage TVXQ without a valid reason.


Valid reasons DO NOT include:

  1. As of 2011, the members in the group are Jung Yunho and Shim Changmin
  2. The fact that Jung Yunho and Shim Changmin walk among us and continue to live and breathe 
  3. Decision of said persons to remain in their current company
  4. Decision of said persons to renew their contracts with their current company
  5. Decision of said persons to not disband TVXQ
  6. Decision of said persons to not change the name of TVXQ
  7. Said persons talking about their hardships in the immediate post-split period on national TV
  8. Said persons vocal capabilities, when said persons have made efforts to improve
  9. Guilt by association,i.e. “I strongly abhor a particular company’s management, practices, and/or policies, so all of the company’s employees must be corrupt.”
  10. The fact that a two-member TVXQ exists
  11. Ignorance based on biased, inaccurate, and/or incomplete reporting

A warning to those who choose to violate this policy:


They will be swiftly called out. In addition, they will not pass go and will not collect $200.

And that’s only the tip of the iceberg…

DBSK, TVXQ, and JYJ Fans: Let’s Make Cassiopeia Great Again! Part 1

Let’s face it-In the year of 2017, a full 7 years after the split, the state of the fandom is in shambles. This series of posts is a list of policies to Make Cassiopeia Great Again. 

Let’s start with the basics.
1. Thou Shalt Not Derogate, Demean, or Disparage JYJ without a valid reason.


Valid reasons DO NOT include:

  1. The members in the group are Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun, and Kim Junsu
  2. The fact that Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun, and Kim Junsu walk among us and continue to live and breathe
  3. Departure of said persons in late 2009-early 2010 from the five-member group TVXQ
  4. Said persons expressing that they miss their former group members
  5. Said persons expressing that they would like to meet their former group members in person
  6. Said persons talking about their continually blocked attempts to perform on public television after their departure from TVXQ
  7. Said persons performing DB5K songs and/or dances in their performances
  8. How said persons choose to spend their money (unless the money is used on something illegal)
  9. Guilt by association, i.e. if one of said persons or an associate of said persons is accused or found guilty of a crime, the two remaining persons or said person must also be guilty of the same crime
  10. Exposure of skin (excluding genital region)
  11. Subjective opinions of said persons “relevancy” in K-pop industry
  12. The fact that an entity known as JYJ exists
  13. Ignorance based on biased, inaccurate, and/or incomplete reporting

A warning to those who choose to violate this policy:


They will be swiftly called out. In addition, violators will not pass go and will not collect $200.

Stay tuned…

    DBSK, TVXQ, and JYJ Fans: Let’s Make Cassiopeia Great Again! Pairing Edition 

    It’s about to get so real right now-
    3. Thou Shalt Not Derogate, Disparage, or Dismiss Those Who Support the Yunjae/Jaeho Couple In Any Form or Fashion, without a valid reason.

    Valid reasons DO NOT include:

    1. Personal aversion to the pairing of Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong, whether romantic, sexual, platonic, or some combination of these three
    2. Personal aversion to the production and distribution of fanfiction, videos, pictures, banners, etc of Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong together in any capacity
    3. Personal aversion to the production and distribution of fanfiction, videos, pictures, banners, etc of Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong together in any capacity AFTER the lawsuit filing
    4. Ground Forces Festival 2015, in which Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong were SCHEDULED to appear at the event by the SOUTH KOREAN MILITARY, NOT AN ENTERTAINMENT AGENCY OR A YUNJAE FANCLUB
    5. Ground Forces Festival 2015, in which Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong engaged in FRIENDLY, NON-HOSTILE INTERACTIONS with each other of THEIR OWN INITIATIVE
    6. In light of points 4 and 5, Yunjae fans took pictures and videos of these moments and reported on it, WHICH IS WHAT ANY SHIPPER OF ANY PAIRING WOULD DO

    4. The Yunjae/Jaeho policy and clauses 1-3 shall also be applied to the following pairings:

    1. Yoosu/Junchun (Park Yoochun and Kim Junsu)
    2. Homin/Minho (Jung Yunho and Shim Changmin)
    3. Jaechun/Chunjae (Kim Jaejoong and Park Yoochun)
    4. Jaemin/Minjae (Kim Jaejoong and Shim Changmin)
    5. Minsu (Shim Changmin and Kim Junsu)
    6. Jaesu/Sujae (Kim Jaejoong and Kim Junsu)
    7. 2U (Jung Yunho and Park Yoochun)
    8. Yoomin (Park Yoochun and Shim Changmin)
    9. Hosu/Suho (Jung Yunho and Kim Junsu)
    10. Yunjaemin (Jung Yunho, Kim Jaejoong, and Shim Changmin)
    11. Jaejoong/Yoochun/Junsu (aka JYJ as a threesome)
    12. OT5
    13. Any combination of Jung Yunho, Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun, Kim Junsu, and Shim Changmin not previously mentioned

    The following is commentary from The Court:

    The Court understands that some Yunjae shippers can be obnoxious and annoying (holding Yunjae signs at a TVXQ or JYJ concert). However, it is simply illogical to label all Yunjae shippers as such. We are sure that there are obnoxious and annoying shippers of every couple in the DBSK/TVXQ fandom-such is not limited to Yunjae shippers. More importantly, fanfiction and other fruits of the shipper are pure fiction. Even if one or more pairings happens to be true or “real”, that does not mean that writers of other pairings must cease and desist. Therefore, it is illogical to label Yunjae fans as “delusional” because almost all shipping is delusional to some extent. Furthermore, if Yunjae is a “manufactured” pairing, or a pairing that SM created to bring attention and revenue to DBSK and themselves, then the same could be said of HoMin. Before the split, HoMin was a pairing that SM largely ignored, leaving it up to shippers themselves to find moments and develop content.  However, since TVXQ’s comeback in 2011, SM has constantly emphasisized Yunho and Changmin as the pair from antiquity by editing out the members of JYJ from old DBSK footage and insisting that an author not include a couple of sentences about TVXQ originally being a five member group in an intro-to-Kpop book (as well as having said author mysteriously credit pre-2011 albums to only Yunho and Changmin). Therefore when Yunho and Changmin became more comfortable with each other and their situation (“he’s all I ever need” couple dialogue, mutual touching, etc), it did not take long for some to conclude that HoMin was the REAL DBSK couple hidden beneath all the “fake” Yunjae. Broadly speaking, the JYJ threesome is also a manufactured pairing because it did not exist prior to the split, at least not in the form of “we’re suffering together, we’re best friends, and we’re a sexual threesome.” In other words, HoMin post-split and the JYJ threesome are circumstantial pairings.


    In conclusion, The Court views all DBSK/TVXQ/JYJ pairings as valid creations inspired by the members’ love for each other. We find the bickering over whether or not a particular pairing is legitimate as pointless and counterproductive. 

    For Siwon

    To add to the Court’s opinion, while there were some people in the fandom who harbored anti-Yunjae sentiment pre-split, those feelings intensified and spread more rapidly post-split. Before, some people objected to statements like “Yunho and Jaejoong are DEFINITELY dating and having sex!” in favor of “Bromance” and “They’re really good friends/Bros for Lyfe!” Now even Yunjae friendship is a no go. Not only is friendship between Yunho and Jaejoong a no go, but any connection (friendship, meeting behind the scenes, love etc) between the members of TVXQ and JYJ in the present is derided as a near impossibility. I feel that we have now arrived at a place where Yoosu, Jaechun, and HoMin, i.e. the major pairings of JYJ and TVXQ, are automatically granted a higher degree of legitimacy over other combinations between members of both groups (especially Yunjae).

    The reason for these changes in the fandom landscape are due to what I call fandom politics. You notice that all of the pairings I listed (Yoosu, HoMin, Jaechun) are “in-house” pairings. You also notice that Yoosu is the only “traditional” pairing (Yunjae, Yoosu, Minfood or Changmin Forever Alone/Changmin with a Girl) from DBSK left in the current major lineup. This is because Yoosu does not pose a threat to either group like Yunjae does. Why?  Jaejoong.

    Jaejoong’s OT5 sympathies have been the bane of JYJ stans’ existence. They’d like nothing to do with Yunho and Changmin (and by extension SM Entertainment), but JJ expresses his undying love for both of them so consistently that some JYJ stans have thrown in the towel. Their new tactic is to pray for no DBSK reunion (coupled with a “this too shall pass”).  Others use the good ol’e derailment tactic by focusing on the anti-Jaejoong comments made by TVXQ stans.  Of JYJ stans internal criticisms of Jaejoong, “loves OT5” probably makes the top 5.

    However, this is “small potatoes” compared to the danger that Jaejoong poses to TVXQ stans. JJ’s affinity for both OT5 and Yunho means that TVXQ stans have been working overtime to paint him in a bad light. Jaejoong is the corrupt, attention-seeking, and nasty slut that the moral, upright, pure, and outstanding Yunho should stay away from.  Yunho CANNOT be dirtied by Jaejoong, regardless of his personal feelings. And since Yunho is too nice for his own good, TVXQ stans have to protect him from Jaejoong.  When Yunho and Jaejoong met at the Ground Forces Festival in 2015, some blamed Yunho for being too nice, too polite, and too ill to reject Jaejoong’s offer to catch up. If only Yunho were like Changmin, DBSK and TVXQ’s resident Jimmy Firecracker:


    For if Jaejoong can somehow convince Yunho to work with him to make a reunion happen, either TVXQ as a duo will be done for (Changmin sure ain’t going to continue as TVXQ by himself) or lose its pristine sheen. Even if they only share a stage with JYJ for a couple of nights, TVXQ will become dirty (just look at the comparisons that were made between TVXQ and JYJ during Yoochun’s sexual assault scandal).

    Point is, under these frameworks that I have presented here, Yunjae CANNOT happen in any way, shape, or form. Yunjae is the force that destroys all that stans hold dear-purity from JYJ’s supposed moral and career failings, and purity from SME. That is why BOTH JYJ and TVXQ stans  focus their hate on Yunjae- they fear the dirtiness that they perceive each side brings to the table.

     

    That concludes this post.  But in the words of Wolverine, “I’m…not…finished…yet” with this “How To Make The DBSK, TVXQ, and JYJ Fandom Better” Series.

    Stay tuned…

    Credits:

    “Small Potatoes”: From “If Donald Trump Had Said All The Things You’ve Said He Said” by the Gregory Brothers

    “I’m…not…finished…yet”: From X-Men The Animated Series (1992) Episode 13

     

     


     

    DBSK Goes Hard

    REQUIRED VIEWING BEFORE READING THIS POST (not an endorsement of Trump):

     

    (Setting: TVXQ and JYJ come together to bring us this after-split tune)

    DBSK goes hard

    DBSK goes HARD HARD

    If we were soft we would not have gotten this far

    DBSK goes

    HARD

    DBSK goes

    HARD

    DBSK goes HARD

    (Older K-pop fan) I’m familiar

    Yes, you are

     

    And we say “sit down everybody”

    And they (newer K-pop fans) don’t sit down

    They refuse to sit down (“DBSK, who?”)

    They don’t sit down

    “Sit down everybody”

    And they don’t sit down

    They refuse to sit down

    They don’t sit down

    yunhogif175

    (Sit down)

    jaejoongif25

    Sit down

    yoochungif1

    (Sit down)

    changmingif71

    Sit down

    junsugif101

    (Sit down)

    junsugif100

    (down)

    They refuse to sit down

    They don’t sit down

     

    If we don’t go all the way

    If we don’t win

    It’ll be a mistake

    A complete waste of energy 

    And money

    And money

    And money

    And money

    And money

    Money, Money

    We don’t look back

    And say “I wish I didn’t do this or that”

    (About the lawsuit decisions) We’re not stupid

    It’s a fact

    The thing that gets us in trouble is throwing the first verbal or physical punch

    More killer than the netizens

    We repeat

    We respond to what they did to us

    We’re gonna fight back

    It’s not a one-way street

     

    DBSK goes hard

    DBSK goes HARD HARD

    If we were soft we would not have gotten this far

    DBSK goes

    HARD

    DBSK goes

    HARD

    DBSK goes HARD

    (Older K-pop fan) I’m familiar

    Yes, you are are

     

    (Me) Some have suggested that you don’t want to release your tax returns because of extreme privacy concerning your hobbies.

    (DBSK) Yes

    So can you confirm or deny this list of personal pastimes?

    Yeah, sure

    Drinking

    yoochungif15 yoochungif18 


    yoochungif16 yoochungif17

    Yoochun and Jaejoong (in unison): I Go Hard

    Selcas

    jaejoonggif37

    Jaejoong: I Go Hard

    Twerking

    junsugif43

    Junsu: I Go Hard

    Vacationing

    changmin73

    Changmin: I Go Hard

    Cooking

    (Pause)

    yunhogif171

    Yunho: Waste of Time

    Praise Dancing^

    yunhogif152

    Yunho: I Go Hard

    Eating^

    changmingif282 changmingif283 changmingif284

    Changmin: I Go Hard

    Hiding^

    yoochunm4

    Yoochun: I Go Hard

    Fashion^

    jaejoong15 jaejoong6changmin57 changmingif170 changmin20

    Jaejoong and Changmin (in unison): I Go Hard

    Self-stimulation

    junsugif32

     (Self-explanatory)

    Doing absolutely nothing on a free day between scheduleeeees!!

    jaejoong11yoochungif21junsugif54changmingif210yunhogif80

    All: Waste of Time

    While you’re reading netizen comments on various siiiites!!

    jaejoong11yoochungif21junsugif27changmingif210yunhogif80

    All: Waste of Time

    Naver!!

    jaejoong10

    Jaejoong: Waste of Time

    Daum!!

    yunho18

    Yunho: Waste of Time

    Allkpop!!

    yoochungif24

    Yoochun: Waste of Time

    Soompi!!

    junsugif27

    Junsu: Waste of Time

    All the sites!!

    changmingif240 changmingif241 changmingif243 changmingif242

    Waste of Time

    Me:


    Them:



    Notes:

    ^ equals “in a higher voice (but not enough for an exclamation point)

    Credits: schmoyoho (the creators of the video you watched before reading this post).

    Skip Days

    A Skip Day is a non-holiday day when you decide to not attend one or all of your classes.

    There are three keys to unlocking the magic of the Skip Day.

    Why: You must first figure out why you are skipping class. Valid reasons include sickness, fatigue from staying up all night working on an assignment, family emergencies, death in the family, traveling for a job interview, saving the world (ala Spider-Man and the Sailor Scouts), being grossly unprepared for the class you’re going to skip,  and finishing a major assignment for another class.

    Invalid reasons include

    zhoumim1

    Mall visits

    hangenggif5

    Boxing matches (unless you have an athletic scholarship for boxing)

    miscgif11

    Modeling

    miscgif3

    Clubbing (for those people who have night classes)

    kyuhyungif22

    Going to K-pop concerts

    tumblr_njnua1zJfO1qd80wyo1_400

    Dating/Spending time with bae

    junsugif9

    Getting in touch with nature (unless it’s part of your assignment)

     

    What: What are you going to do on your Skip Day? (we basically covered this in the Why section).

    When: When are you planning to skip? It’s best not to skip on a test/exam day (READ: DON’T DO IT), but you might be able to get away with skipping a quiz (especially if the teacher drops a few). It can be advantageous to skip the day before a three or four day weekend, but you should check your schedule (i.e. the syllabus) to make sure you won’t be missing anything important, like instructions for a project or writing assignment.

    How: How do you intend to make up the material you missed and stay on pace with the class? Some suggestions:

    miscgif12

    Read the will-be-missed material ahead of time (or on time).

    miscgif10

    Ask a classmate to take lecture notes for you.

    And there you have it- a Rough Guide to the Skip Day. Now you have all the tools to skip class with the least amount of damage (both to your grade and  your ego).

    Translation Thursdays: Spending All My Time (Perfume)

    Welcome to Translation Thursdays, where I attempt to translate J-pop songs and explore their meaning. As the title suggests, I will be posting the translations on Thursdays (though not every Thursday).

    Here’s how it works:

    I will translate songs that I like and that correspond to my Japanese ability, i.e. this is not a request service, so please refrain from asking me to translate such-and-such-song by such-and-such group. Therefore, my translations should not be the be-all-end-all translation of the song- it’s just practice.

    Lyrical translation will rely on kanji 漢字 or Chinese characters, so that means NO ROMAJI (romanization of Japanese).

    dbz17

    If you are Trunks and cannot read kanji, I will try to find a source that has both kanji and romaji.

    Music videos will be posted with each translation.  *There will be several translations of TVXQ/Tohoshinki songs, and the video posted will reflect the time in which the song was made. For example, the video accompanying “Somebody to Love” will feature Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Yunho, and Changmin. There will be no video of just Yunho and Changmin performing “Somebody to Love” at one of their concerts. If like SM, you don’t want JYJ to be featured in the same video, you can skip that translation.*

    English lyrics will appear as they are, and translations of Japanese lyrics will appear in parentheses.

    And now, on to today’s translation-

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    Loving you, so loving you forever
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    Loving you, so loving you forever

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    Loving you, so loving you forever
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    Loving you, so loving you I wanna do

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever

    Spending all my time
    いつも君思いよ (I’m always thinking of you)
    All my time

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    Loving you, so loving you forever
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    Loving you, so loving you I wanna do

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever/ 信じてる (Believing)
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time/君のこと (In you)
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever

    Spending all my time
    このまま放さないで (Do not let go like this)
    All my time

    Spending all my time
    いつも君思いよ (I’m always thinking of you)
    All my time

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,/ 信じてる (Believing)
    Loving you forever
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time/君のこと (In you)
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever

    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever
    Spending all, spending,
    Spending all my time
    So loving you, loving,
    Loving you forever

    Spending all my time
    このまま放さないで (Do not let go like this)
    All my time

    Spending all my time
    いつも君思いよ (I’m always thinking of you)
    All my time

    See that was easy wasn’t it!

    spideym16

    Okay, okay, I wanted to start off with something nice and simple.

    Meaning

    This song is very straight forward- have you ever found yourself spending an exorbitant amount of time thinking about something (can be a physical object, idea, or phrase) or someone?* For hilarity, these somethings and someones can be either good or bad.  While you think about it, here are some sample answers for these prominent intellectuals.

    Siwon

    siwonm10

    What God is Thinking

    siwon2

    siwon31

    Exercise

    tumblr_l8minwDoOc1qayxtco1_250 tumblr_inline_mwzc4s2VJV1sn8rvi

    siwongif8

    How to help others

    Changmin

    changmingif28

     

    changmingif8

    changminm10homingif73 homingif68 homingif70 homingif71 homingif69

    miscm23

    (In response to the above set of gifs) Changmin, why you lying?

    tumblr_nipaj4rIis1qd80wyo1_500

    The Writer of this Humble Blog

    PICT0544

    miscgif2spideym20

    miscgif12

    Books/Reading, not TOP.

    miscgif20

    Nerd things

    miscgif29

    And X-Men in general.

    spideym31 spideym41yugioh9

    IMG_0836

    Nature

    PICT0958

    Beautiful Religious Objects

    20111015_dbsk_unite jyjcal_rb01bbtvxqgif111siwon25

     

    What are you spending too much time thinking about? Release those feels in the comments section.

    *Translator’s note: Kimi (君) is a pronoun that refers to a person, as in “you,” but I’m using creative license to expand the discussion.

    Credits: Weblio Translate, Perfume [Spending All My Time] Lyric Video

     

     

    Getting a Job Straight From Undergrad in Korea

    It’s that time again! Christmas Time!

    siwon38

    Uh, yeah.  Normally I would be doing Excel spreadsheets at some internship or entry-level job, but I’m currently in a Masters program (2 years!) and it’s already giving me 2 different tears…

    Anyway, let me congratulate the recent graduates who found a job in this economy:

     

    miscgif4 miscgif5 miscgif6miscgif1yesunggif8 yesunggif7eunhyukgif1siwongif6

    changmingif77

    (Screeech)

    changmingif76

    Dancing over.

    (Thanks, Changmin-didn’t want people to get too carried away there.)

    Truth be told, finding a job is hard– you have to fill out countless applications, spruce up your resume, put money down for interview clothes, have a nervous breakdown, complete the interview, wait, get rejected, cry, spiral into depression, get out of depression, wait, go about your life, wait-

    kyuhyungif14

    It’s tough. And South Korean have it tougher.leeteukgif5

    South Koreans looking for jobs post-university have to deal with specs (스펙) or credentials.  Applicants obtain credentials to set themselves apart from the crowd- problem is, the crowd has them too.

    miscgif14

    “Shut the front door!”- Stacy London

     

    Some examples of specs are foreign language proficiency (commonly a high TOEIC score or knowledge of Chinese) and computer skills.  And the more the better.

    Now let me engage your sociological imagination.

    Imagine that you’re American college/university senior.  Imagine that you needed to get a certificate showing that you are proficient in Spanish to have the best chance of getting a job (in this case, getting to the second interview stage), regardless if the job actually requires the use of Spanish. Employers don’t care if you’re “bad at foreign languages.” They don’t care if you’re an engineering major.  They don’t care if you intend to live in the U.S. until the day you die.  You want the job, don’t you? Then you better learn to habla español.   In Korea, the idea of specs is similar: you may not need them to do the actual job per se, but you need them to muscle your way through the competition.  [End of sociological imagination time]

    Koreans employers usually also require applicants to put a picture of themselves on their job application. This is the famous Korean lookism coming into play – employers do take your face into account (brings a new meaning to the expression “put your best face forward”).  Therefore, your face had better be on par. If it’s not, your local plastic surgeon will be glad to take your money to relieve you of your insecurities. A lot of Koreans have gotten plastic surgery to improve their chances of employment, among other things. In the United States (and most of the West), that application picture slams up against all the anti-discrimination (race, gender, sexual orientation, nationality, religion, age, etc) hiring laws.

    When combined with the “how-to-apply-for-a-job” description above, all this adds up to a nearly insurmountable summit (that’s some code talk that we academics use for “high threshold of entry”) for Korean job applicants.

    I’m sure there are other things that make the Korean version of post-university job hunting different from that of other countries, but this is what I saw/read/heard while I was in Korea.

    So for the rest of you tired and weary job seekers-

    siwonm2

    Credits: Article from the Korea Times about specs.

    My HomeBoy Henry

    henry-lau-responds-to-article-and-leaves-message-to-fans_-none_0 henrysig1 tumblr_lu3n3r5N621r5v30co1_400

    Henry Lau

    Birth Date: October 11, 1989

    Job description: Violinist. English interpreter. Lyricist and producer. Currently only in Super Junior M.

    First Impressions: Chipmunk; Henry’s Got Talent; Can you hook me up with Justin Bieber? (for those of you who are interested); Why Do Some ELF Hate You?

    Aliases: Mochi

    The Good: For all you Canadian ELFs out there, Henry gives you hope.  Hope that he’ll tell SM about your presence. Hope that he’ll speak up in SM board meetings about the need for a Super Show in Canada so you won’t have to endure the price of an international airline or Amtrak ticket to New York or Los Angeles (and that’s if SJ even performs at one of those locations during one of their “world” tours).

    For the rest of you, Henry’s got chops- violin chops.

    In addition to the violin, Henry also plays the piano and guitar.

    And here is the requisite Justin Bieber cover, because, you know, he shares the same nationality and teenybopper appeal:

    As you might have guessed, Henry has quite the musical talent.  In addition to playing several instruments, he also produces music under the group NoizeBank (tracklist: “Go” and “It’s You” from SJM’s Breakdown album; “1-4-3 (I Love You), “My Everything,” “Ready 2 Love” from Trap;  “Bad Girl”, “Saturday,” “Butterfly,” “You” from Fantastic).

    Beyond the music, Henry serves as SJ’s “foreigner” (after Hangeng left) and Western culture expert, who answers any and all questions one may have about North American life (Donghae and Eunhyuk might be frequent clients).

    The Bad:  See this section in Zhou Mi’s post for more details. Despite the initial backlash, Henry has recently gained favor with the Korean public after releasing his debut album and appearing on the reality show Real Men.  However, the court received a complaint from Eunhyuk about Henry trying to steal Donghae’s away from him; below is the evidence he submitted.

    eunhyuk2 eunhyuk1

    We’re still waiting for Henry to file assault charges.

    Kyuhyun has also called attention to Henry’s cleansing practices:

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    *******

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    P.S. My sister and Henry have the same birthday.

    Credits: VP Debate Highlights Songified (schmoyoho on YouTube)

    Mister Chic: Zhou Mi

     

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    Zhou Mi (周觅)

    Birth Date: April 19, 1986

    Job description: MC and fashionista. Budding lyricist. Technically only part of Super Junior M.

    First Impressions: Fabulous; Diva; Would Petition to Make Shopping an Olympic Sport; Mr. Happy; Gay

    Aliases: Gentleman Mimi

    The Good: Zhou Mi is Super Junior’s resident ball of sunshine. He’s always flashing his award-winning smile, no matter how hard it gets (and it has gotten hard).

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    And on to the fashion show! [Cue catwalk music]

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    These two images sum up Zhou Mi’s relationship with fashion quite nicely:

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    [end catwalk music]

    He’s also written a book, though not about fashion (maybe next time?).

    In addition to being a fashionista and author, Zhou Mi has also penned the lyrics of quite a few SJM songs, both of the original and translation variety:

    2008 (Me): “Love Song,” “Marry U,” “A Man in Love”

    2009 (Super Girl): “Confession” and  “You & Me”

    2011 (Perfection): “True Love”

    2013 (Breakdown): “Go,” “It’s You,” “Tunnel”

    2014 (Swing): “Swing” and “Fly High”

    The Bad:  Ever since Zhou Mi came on the scene, some ELF waged an “Attack, blame, and defame” campaign against him. Fans fought hard to prevent Zhou Mi and Henry from becoming “official” members of Super Junior, relegating them to subgroup only membership status. Apparently the fight wasn’t over, because fans sent a petition to SM Entertainment when they deemed that Zhou Mi and Henry had over stepped their bounds by singing SJ songs with the main lineup during SS5.

    But really, if those people would just let Zhou Mi finish, they’d realize that he has one of the clearest and cleanest voices of all tiiiimmee!

    ALL TIME!

    (Ay!)

    ALL TIME!

    (Ay!)

    Yo Zhou Mi!

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    Imma let Hangeng let you finish.

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    While we’re waiting for Kanye to show up to silence those anti-fans – he’s a busy man, being married and all- this will have to do:

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    *******

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    Credits: VP Debate Highlights Songified (schmoyoho on YouTube), kanye West VMA Taylor Swift AUTOTUNE (Youtube)

    Human Torch: Kyuhyun

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    Cho Kyuhyun (조규현)

    Birth Date: February 3, 1988

    Job description: One of Super Junior’s Main Vocals.  A host on MBC’s Radio Star talk show. Trying his hand at musicals.  In Super Junior K.R.Y. and Super Junior M.

    First Impressions: EVIL-L; Distinct Voice; Awkward; Snarky; Trained in the art of blackmail; Blunt; Starcraft Addict; Handsome; King of Games

    Aliases: Evil Maknae (막내 the youngest in a group), Game Kyu, Dancing Kyu, Maknae on Top  (has an infinite number of aliases, but these are the main ones)

    The Good: Some folks say that Kyuhyun is the devil’s spawn (maybe that’s why Siwon is often seen hanging around him- to convince him to come to the light).  He’s called the ‘Evil Maknae’ for a reason – besides kicking the other members occasionally, Kyuhyun is known for committing “verbal murder in the major 3rd degree” by spewing out vile words on the members (yes, that includes Heechul- from 5:23).

    Here, have some more verbal and physical abuse:

    It seems that no one is safe from his forked tongue.

    Why, please have some more Evil Maknae.

    1. “Reality hits you hard, bro”

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    2. “Come bite my thumb! …”

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    3. Taunting

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    4. “That’s it, everyone dies!” (4 is an unlucky number in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean because its Chinese character means “death.”)

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    5. Miscellaneous

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    6. Assault

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    7.  “I make it rain.”

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    Why is any of this good, you ask? His Super Junior hyungs (형 older brother) let him get away with it, and much of his sharp comments about the members (or anything else) are accurate.

    Moving on to something more traditionally good, Kyuhyun can SANG. (The vid below is mostly for you music nerds out there; if you’re not one of them, ignore the symbols and just listen.)

    It’s not that Kyuhyun is incapable of being cute,

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    but more often than not, he’s awkward and evil

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    with a dash of sexy.

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    Take a good look, ladies (and gents)…this is Kyuhyun’s version of nudity.

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    So he is kind of like the Human Torch of Fantastic Four fame, except that instead of shooting flames at the villains, he shoots a fireball of words. And then he engulfs you in flames of lust.  It’s like he’s a walking Trap Card- you see the awkwardness and meanness, and then he does the slightest smirk

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    and BOOM- you’re dead. It seems that almost no one can avoid his Continuous Trap.

    P.S. Did I mention he’s the King of Games?

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    Um…

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    Yeah, that’s more like it!

    The Bad: Whenever you look at Kyuhyun, you really are “looking at a miracle“- he almost perished in a very,very bad car accident. I think he still has a few scars as a result of the accident/surgery (the only confirmed one is the one around his waist), which explains why the nudity (however rare it is) is limited to his shoulders and arms. But according to some Gamers (Kyuhyun’s fans), his lack of shirtless scenes adds to his sexiness and mystique.

    Other than that, Kyuhyun has a long rap sheet detailing innumerable instances of verbal abuse and a shorter sheet covering assault (Eunhyuk decided to come forward).

    *******

    "Baby, there's a devil- there's something like it- inside."

    “Baby, there’s a devil- there’s something like it- inside of me.” (Devil Inside by Utada)

    Sources: Epic Rap Battles of History- Justin Bieber vs. Beethoven; Dr. Seuss vs. William Shakespeare,  Reality Hits You Hard Bro- Schmoyoho (Youtube), Dragon Ball Z Abridged